One-Shot: Jake's Self-Hatred
Jake walked downstairs slowly on the front of his toes to avoid making a ruckus with his loud obnoxiousness, reaching the final step and gazing at the locked front door before passing to the living room. Examining the room that was newly cleared of his younger siblings' destruction, otherwise known as their increasing amounts of the different variety of toys that they had, he smiled and sighed. Looking around the living room, at the black couches, the TV stuck to the wall, everything there. It was peaceful in the darkness. He felt at home. Exiting the living room and going to the kitchen he looking in the double windows he had. Seeing himself in the reflection. His expression went blank. The sight of his naked chest, only in boxers. He ran a hand down the side of her neck, then over his outwards collar bone, then his shoulders. Jake wanted to like it but he couldn't, no matter how much he was complimented, he couldn't bring himself to like it. It was like an inner force was constantly pulling at his mental stage and pulling his positivity and corrupting it with the negativity. Sadly, that was the reality of it. Jake put his hand on the mirror, watching his reflective self. Suddenly the opposite smiled when he didn't. It was wide, stretched out abnormally and creepy to even notice.Twisting Jake's stomach into knots, he gulped and began breathing heavily. Jake examined The Other as he realized that it looked nothing like him now. The Other had pitch black hair in a permed fringe, and as Jake backed up he could notice that The Other was pronounced with a muscular, gym-active frame. Jake then glanced down at his disabled, left arm amputee. Lifting it up, he glanced at the mirror. Other followed his actions but he had both operating, working arms.This wasn't him. "Scared, Jake?" The figure suddenly spoke with an excessively deepened version of Jake's British accent, almost like an adult version of Jake.Jake stuttered. "N-No-" His arms and legs were shaking"Ppft." They spat in amusement. "My name is Niall, Niall Mitchel. I am what you would call the perfect version of yourself. I am merely here to show you what you could have if you give into your self-hatred, Jacky boy." Niall laughed mockingly.Jake was absolutely stunned. Swallowing hard, his body somehow managed to stop shaking, getting a hold of himself. "M-My- perfect self?" Jake stammered more."Here-" Niall grumbled. "Let me show you, little brother."Out of nowhere, the room began to twist and form out of the state it was. Jake squealed and gasped for air as he went light-headed, feeling like he had epilepsy from the rapidly spinning images that he was witnessing. Eventually, the transformation came to a halt and Jake was in a completely different room. Niall was stood right next to him, arm draped around his shoulder like they were best friends forever. Niall grabbed Jake's chin and directed it to where the focus was. "Look." He said."Jake winced and looked on as he saw what seemed to be another version of himself. "B-Babe, I-" The Jake stuttered, shaking as a taller man hovered above him with intimidating eyes. The use of the nickname suggested that in this outcome in an alternate universe with Jake's life this was Jake's partner to be, at least in this wild situation. As Jake eyed the other version of himself, something stuck to his mind. That Jake was extremely skinny and slim, way too skinny and slim. He looked just healthy enough not to be considered anorexic. The man then spoke with a gruffly, breathtaking statement. "Don't babe me, little bitch." The man with a mix of blonde-brownish hair smirked. Pinning Jake against the closest wall, his hand wrapped around Jake's neck, using the other hand to tilt his head and eyes up to his level, standing dominant. "You're my bitch, got that?" He squeezed his grip and Jake gasped for air desperately. The man was at least 6 foot tall and the Other Jake looked a couple of feet smaller than current Jake at the time. This was clearly a different version. Suddenly the room went black and it was just Niall and Jake, a source of light shining down on both of them like they were the spotlight. "That is many different versions of you, Jake, you'll be glad I ended it." Niall spoke with a soft voice, a big contrast from when he was in the mirror. "That Jake is the result of someone you met online, not anyone specific, just a random male. He was very sexual and you were too innocent and unaware of the situation to know what it was really. He was 14 and you were 12. Years later you moved to America." Niall suddenly paused, taking a deep breath. "You became that man's personal plaything, his sex slave. His doll of enjoyment. You couldn't get a break. At first, you thought it was quite cool. You get to be a muscular, big ass dude's sex toy? Sounds fun, right? Wrong." Niall took another breath. "It got worse for that Jake. It got to a point where Jake had an eating disorder. You see..." Niall stopped talking, which caused Jake to butt in. "You see what?" Jake asked. "It got to a point where he killed you. Moments after the image I just showed you." Niall finished. Jake's eyes widened in realization of that situation, gulping. "And that could've been me if I took the wrong step?" Jake asked, in which Niall nodded. Niall took Jake's hand and walked off into the void with a shine still being beamed down onto them. "Do you want to know my story, Jake? Or do you want to know your other version's?" He asked. Jake stuttered on his next words, wanting both so badly. "I-I- Um- "Niall groaned impatiently but quickly chuckled sympathetically and shrugged it off. "I'll show you the many ways your future was for your counterparts." Before Jake could protest against it Jake was immediately was sent into a different area. ___________________________________________________ "What would you say was the darkest, most life-changing event in your life, Jake?" Niall asked. The words pierced Jake's heart like a steak going through a Vampire left breast bone. Jake's lips quivered and shook as one thing came to his mind. Tears rolled down his cheeks and fell to the floor. Collapsing to his knees, Jake felt Niall quickly hold onto his shoulder. "The Rape." Before he knew it Jake was staring at a corpse on the ground of his old street that he left during his 2nd year of Secondary School, Year 8. Jake investigated with his eyes, looking around him. It was the exact same spot, exact same street, exact same person. He went up to the person, absolutely shaking. Dropping to his knees again, he held onto the Other's arms and weakly rolled him over, gasping. This Jake was completely lifeless. With no lower clothing, torn upper clothing, his face was scarred to the fullest degree and blood was forming and flowing out of his chest. "This is the second most personal version of you, Jake. This is a situation where that Man didn't have any mercy. After doing what he did, he killed you." Niall explained with his new soft voice, almost growing on Jake as it was very comforting. "When walking around, your Step-Dad with your baby brother, Kian, in his baby stroller found you first." Before Jake could even drop a tear they once against returned to the same black box as before. ___________________________________________________ Jake's fist clenched in sudden angry sadness, tears streaming down his face as he looked up at Niall, who had an almost sympathetic frown on his face. "Why!?" Jake shouted angrily, his deepening voice booming like a jukebox. His ginger hair covered his face, curling straight down. Despite this, it was like his green eyes were flashing and shining with emerald crystals sharp enough to infiltrate and pierce the most hardened piece of armor. Niall winced, sighing once again. Niall Mitchell in the mirror was like that devil on his shoulder telling him to give in to the darkness, telling him to be that evil person that anyone and everyone is capable of being. But now he was like a friend that was babying their crying friend over a situation that they didn't understand or grip with the information they were given, not knowing how to fix that friend and telling them "It will be okay" when the reality is far away and completely the opposite. "You think I wanted to see that? To see what could've happened by a random, calculated, unknown chance? Do you think I wanted to know that I could've died when that happened to me? You think I wanted any of this?" Jake cried rapidly and immensely, falling to the ground in defeat and his emotional outburst. A sudden force lifted Jake back up to his feet. Jake was forced to look at Niall, Niall's hand was stretched out, using some source of power to control Jake's body. Niall stepped forward, inches away from him "I'm showing you that you're lucky to be standing here, you're fortunate. I am showing you that you need to make the right steps otherwise you'll end up mentally broken, or worse, dead." Niall's expression was blank, so blank in fact that it was deadly serious. Jake gulped as he stared right at Niall and Niall stared right back at him. "One more, journey. Just one more." Niall spoke quickly, letting Jake loose of his control and Jake relaxed on his feet. ___________________________________________________ Jake wasn't staring down at his alternative selves like a ghost haunting the person who wrongfully acted towards them. He was no longer the person watching, but he was the person being watched. Jake looked around him and he was in the living room of his old house, leaving him speechless. His mother and step-father were on the couch watching a TV Show long past it's prime, I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!, at least in current time. Examing the room more, he noticed Kian sat on Dave's lap and Emilia asleep in her cot. Jake noticed that he was turning around in his computer chair, looking at it and missing the wooden chair that he was so used to sitting in under his large bed and next to his computer, which was also under his bed. But for some reason, he was very uneasy. Turning back forward to where he started, he gazed at the computer screen in front of him. He knew what this was. This was his experiences with the cyber world he had come to know that corrupted him. More, specifically, the gang-mentality that he met online and how quick people change. Looking more, he recognized this as a chat room as messages went flying by. This was when he was attacked for something as simple as leaving a group that revolved around the sole purpose of roleplaying as felines in a pact. Jake felt his arms and legs shake just like those 2 years ago, re-experiencing what he dreaded the most. Insults flew into his head and stabbed him, stinging him like a bunch of hostile hornets that wanted nothing but to end his sorrowful existence, bit by bit. Suddenly he saw the screen change and he was now on his Message Wall on the Wikia, finally noticing the Wikia as xxslystarxx.wikia.com. Jake read the thread that haunted him, a thread he read back on frequently, taking it as a drug almost. Messages flew by to him and he seemingly was responding with the same responses but he hadn't moved his hand once, not a single muscle. It was like a simulation and he was forced to re-live it for entertainment. Jake's hand went to his throat, breathing heavily and choking on air, gasping for breath. He didn't want those two sentences to come back, those two quotes and painful words that stuck with him so deep and so hard. Please don't come back. But he couldn't prevent what has already happened. "Go get raped again." "Jump off a bridge." Jake screamed and everything around him went to shreds. The image of his family was ripped apart, torn like paper that was scribbled on, drawn on but seen as trashed and thus thrown away before being crumpled up. Jake screamed on again and a blitz of fire erupted around him, feeling his word crashing down on him. Couches and sofas were nothing but destroyed furniture, blood replaced the white paint that was on the walls, dry but now it was fresh, disgusting to the smelling. Everything around Jake Darren Lebbern had gone to hell As Jake kneeled in the warzone of a room, he cried in the middle of the battlefield and muttered. "I am in Hell." Before Jake could continue with his parade of emotions he felt a hard hand smacked him across the cheek, sending him onto his back. "You're not." Niall glared down at him. "I'm your self-conscious. I'm this disgusting ball of hatred and violence that you put towards no one but yourself. I am your Self-Hatred, your Self-Doubt. Everything you hate about yourself is me. Why do you think I'm the way I am? Muscular body? Black hair? Two hands? Tall? I'm everything you want to be and consequently hate yourself for it. You want a fit, muscular body. You hate being commented on by your ginger hair. You hate having to live in a society where being disabled is such a struggle where you hide in your bathroom and cry. You want to be tall so you aren't seen as a weak and sensitive person." Niall was crying as well. "But you're everything I want you to be." Niall smiled and wiped his tears. "The greatest people go through the hardest shit. You're not Jake Darren Lebbern without your amputee, without your curly ginger hair, without being 5 foot 6 inches, without having that collarbone of yours, those cute chubby cheeks and that stomach that is slowly sinking in. Without all of that, you're not Jake Lebbern. I'm glad you have that. Because when you're perfect, what other purpose do you have besides being a symbolism? Life is boring when you're perfect. Life can be shit when you're not, but it's one hell of a rollercoaster and the sweetest moment in life is getting over your difficulties and savoring everything left in life, which is a lot, I might add." Niall laughed. "You're the most imperfect Jake, and yet the most perfect Jake. You're a brother to 8 people, an uncle to 2, a son to 3, a cousin to many, a friend to the special ones." Niall paused and stepped closer, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You're a boyfriend, a fiance, a soon to be husband. Love that girl, cherish her. Give her memories to love together. Give her three children she wanted. Let her know that you will go through life with her the entire time and you'll always be by her side."' Niall grinned happily, his arm beginning the vanish and the room coming into place slightly. "I'm disappearing because that self-doubt and self-hatred is gone. You can finally love yourself without any hesitation." Niall laughed. In his final words, Niall said. "Make them all wish they got to know the person behind the screen. And wait for the day you get to get down on one knee and ask that one and only person who understands you 4 meaningful, passionate words. "Will you marry me?" With that everything came back to place, and when Jake looked in the mirror it was him. As he smiled, the reflection smiled as well. THE END